To quote Anastasia
"Men are such babies"
That's a great movie.
You should watch it.
So someone I know is being SUCH a girl.
good god man move on!!!
I love her too but good lord get a hooker and a therapist and MOVE ON!

Guys are way bigger babies when it comes to breaking up then girls are.
Stop crying man!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you but shut up!

I know no one knows whats going on here and thats ok.
It's mainly for me.
much love
♥

A REAL SURVEY

1) What is your personality like? No one knows you better than you.
So what are your best and worst qualities when it comes to your
personality?

My personality... well i guess its hard to explain. I think that i have an AMAZING personality. YOu can usually tell what im thinking or how im feeling just by my facial expressions. Even though... i am a actor so if i really don't want you to know, I hide it. But i think I like my since of humor.

2) What are other peoples opinions of you? Do they generally like
you? Why or why not?

Well i guess they like me... they seem to like to hang out with me. And if I ever needed to talk or something they are always there. :D

3) What is your best physical feature(s)? Why? and what would you
like to improve on? and why would you want to improve on it?

Uhhh... I think that i have a nice smile in all honesty. And I think I have a cute face.. maybe. Idk... I could impov on a few things like not neccessarily lose more wieght but tone up some more and my skin.... well i hate acne :( It really makes me very insecure about myself. Im not gonna lie.

4) What is your favorite physical feature(s) of the opposite sex?
What is it that makes it appealing to you?

For me, its all in the face. Nice smile, great eyes, facial expressions. I mean a rockin body is always a plus but for me, they honestly don't have to have one. I like to feel protected when im with a guy, just as long as i can feel protected with them, its all gravy.

5) What is your favorite childhood memory? Why is it so significant?
and did it affect the way you are today?

Hmmm... my favorite would have to be the first year up to the cabins in North Carolina with just me, my mom, and my dad. I had a lot of fun that year. Its significant because it was one of the last times that it would ever be just me, my mom and dad. I mean don't get me wrong, i love my nephews to death but... well you know what i mean. Yeah because it taught me that no matter what, i would always have parents that love me. :)

6) What do you strive for in your life: accomplishment, security,
love,power, excitement, knowledge, or something else?

I strive for love. To show love, to be loved, and to give love. Love is deffiently one of the most important things in my life....

7) What are your most complusive habits? Do you regularly struggle
to break them?

Im constantly struggling with certain habits. I really need to learn to stand up for myself because... i tend to want to please everyone else and not myself... and in the long run it hasn't really been a good thing for me at all. One of the things that im struggling to learn is that before you can love and please others... you have to love and please yourself. Its just so hard for me because i like to see other people happy.

8) Is it easy for you to accept help when you need it? Would you ask
for help?

Depends on the situation



9) You and the person you love deeply are placed in seperate rooms
with a button next to each of you. You know that you will both be killed if
one of you doesn't press the button within 60 minutes. Furthermore, the
first person to hit the button would die a slow painful death but will
save the other persons life. What do you think you would do?

Only 60 sec? Thats not enough time for any decision like that in my opinion. Idk what i would do. If it was the person that i truely loved... i would try to push the button before they would.

10) If you found out that a good friend had AIDS would you avoid
him? What if it were your brother or sister?

No, and especially if it were my brother or sister

11) Do you believe in capital punishment? Would you be willing to
execute a man sentenced to death by the courts? If you refused the man
would walk free. Assume you know nothing about the case.

Yeah i believe in capital punishment. You can be forgiven but you still got to own up to the punishment. And yes i would do it... the courts wold have done their best to find the truth so...

12) What would constitute a "perfect" evening for you?

hmm...well actually theres a few... are we talking me and a significant other or are we talking just me or are we talking me and friends.. it just depends on who im with, if im with anyone

13) If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to
communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?

hmmm.. thats rough... i usually dont tell people certain things for a reason. Well i would have to say that my friends are great... and everything that i have told YOU before is the truth and my heart wont change... you know

14) You discover your wonderful one-year-old child is, because of a
hospital mixup, not yours. Would you try and exchange the child to
try and correct the mistake? What if you found out your real child had died?

Oh my... idk what i would do honestly... i would smack the doctors around.... i know that... id have to think about this one

15) Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture? Have you
ever wished you were a member of the opposite sex?

Hmmm.. well in all honesty both sexes have different challenges. id have to say they are about even in level in difficulty and no.... i don't want to be a man. Never have never will. i like men and i don't want to be one

16) You are given the power to kill people simply by thinking of
their deaths and twice repeating the word "good-bye." People would die a
natural death and no one would suspect you. Are their any situations
where you would use this power?

What the heck??? lol... no probably not. i wouldn't kill anyone even if i really wanted to

17) What's the one thing in this life that you really want?

Complete and uder happiness

18) Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire
you?

I admire many people in different ways.... i don't just have one honestly

19) You have the chance to meet someone with whom you can have the
most satisfying love imaginable-the stuff of dreams. Sadly, you know that
in six months the person will die. Knowing the pain that would follow
would you still want to meet the person and fall in love? What if you knew
your lover would not die but betray you?

... idk... thats really tough... I would meet them probably knowing me... six months of happiness is better than none at all and i would still have those memories for the rest of my life. I would write all fo it down probably so i dont forget one thing

20) Do you prefer to be around men or women? Do your closest
friends tend to be men or women?

Haha... guys. i deffietnly hang out with more guys. If i were to list off my best friend and my closest friends... they would all be guys... trust me i still have female friends but guys actually listen to me more than females do and they don't run their mouths as muh so... men

21) While on a trip to another city, your spouse meets
and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never
see each other again and you will not otherwise learn of the incident
would you want your partner to tell you about it? If roles were reversed,
would you reveal what you had done?

I would want to know. Secrets are not good. They cause people to lose trust. I want to be able to trust my spouse with my life. I would need complete honesty and yes i would tell my partner. It might not be easy but in the long run... its better to tell.

22) What is your biggest regret?

I don't have any regrets... you shouldn't have regrets. Everything happens for a reason and when you amek a mistake...you learn from it. No regrets

23) Would you be willing to murder an innocent person to end world
hunger?

nope

24) For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

My friends... if i didn't have friends... i wouldn't of made it this far...

25) Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as
your dinner guest? as your Close friend? and as your Lover? (3 different
people)

well you see... in my mind, my lover would have to be my closest friend and i would want to cook for them so they woulod also be my dinner guest...

26) If you could choose your manner of death what would it be?

as quick and painless as possible please.

27) Does the fact that you have never done something before increase
or decrease its appeal to you?

increase...im a curious person i want to know EVERYTHING! j/k... well a lot of things anyway

28) If you could take a one month trip anywhere in the world and
money were not a consideration where would you go and what would you do? .

Australia! Straight up... or down in this case lol. And the question is what wouldn't i do? i love Australia and i really have a heart for that place. i want to go there so bad.

29) Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by five
years to become extreamly attractive?

no way. First of all the only reason then guys would want to be with me would be for my body and i don't want that. I want someone to love me for who i truely am not what i look like. And you can do so many things in five years....

30) Have you ever considered suicide? What in your life is so
important to you that with out it life would be worth nothing?

Ive thought about it before.. ever attempted it, no. Im very happy about that. yet again thanks to my friends...

31) If you were happily married, and then you met someone you felt
was certain to always bring you deeply passionate, intoxicating love,
would you leave your spouse? What if you had kids?

No, til death do you part.

32) If you knew that your child would be severely retarded and would
die by the age of 5, would you decide to have an abortion?

No. I would never abort a child. Ever never ever!

33) Someone you know is brutally murdered and you know the identity
of the murderer but they are aquitted of the crime. Would you seek
revenge?

No. It's not my place.

34) What do you value most in a relationship?

Friendship, trust, love, and being with the person who makes you the happiest

35) What, if anything, is too personal to be discussed with others?

I obviously wont be sharing it with you....

36) When was the last time you stole something? Why haven't you
stolen anything since then?

uhhh... i stole some sticky tack off my teachers desk before... thats about it

37) What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Is there
anything you hope to do that is even better?

Well so far just getting as far as i am in life without any major problems is a accomplishment... and the fact that i have made it this far in school too... cuz on my moms side only a few women ever graduate high school.

38) How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?

Idk... whenever im in a bathroom and when i just wnat to look at myslef... i guess

39) What do you like best about your life? Least?

Wow... idk... i like alot of things about my life.. and theres alot of things i don't like about my life... i would perfer not to answer this one

40) What sort of things would you do if you could be as outgoing and
uninhibited as you would like? Do you usually initiate friendships or
wait to be approached?

Im already outgoing enough.... and yeah i start talking to people before they start talking to me... most of the time

41) In a nice restaurant, after getting the check for an excellent
meal, you noticed you were not charged for one of the items that you ate.
Would you tell the waitress?

Yeah... i always like to be honest and in the end... i usuallydon't have to pay for it anyway but more respect is put on my name so YAY!

42) When you are with your friends, do your interactions include
much touching-for example hugging, kissing, roughhousing or massages?
Would you like to have more of this interaction?

uhhh.... i usually dont randomly kiss my friends... thats a little awkward if you ask me. We hug some... like most people. uhh.. this is wierd. no im fine at the level of intersction going on....

43) Of all the people close to you, whose death would you find most
disturbing?

hmmm... idk.... i have a feeling that if our deaths went as planned... most of my friends would die in wierd ways... lets take Jon and Rahul for example... lol

44) If you could pass your whole life being entirely cared for while
in a peaceful slumber, with wonderful and entrancing dreams, would you do
so?

Heck no! Live life to the fullest!

45) Have you ever had sex before? If so, how old were you when you
lost your virginity? Was there anything anyone could have told you to
make it better? Do you think you would be better off if you had waited
longer for sex? Or started earlier? Was it what you imagined it to be?

Nope... im deffiently a virgin. :)

46) Relative to the population at large how do you rate your
physical attractiveness? Your intelligence? Your personality?

ok, above average, AMAZING!

47) Describe your ideal mate.

Hmmm... Someone who has the same thoughts and views as i do... i was once told "Amanda duplicate yourself, then turn the duplicate into a male and marry that!" For me thats a little too creepy but i think that you guys get the idea.. someone who is alot like me... not COMPLETELY like me... thats ust wierd

48) Describe some characteristics you don't want your future mate.

bad temper, alcoholic, pain in the butt

49) What is the way you think other people view you?

The goody goody christian girl. Whcih is perfectly fine with me cuz thats how i want people to view me. :)

50) How would you try to raise your kids? What kind of values or
morals would you want to instill in them? Is there any traits about
yourself that you hope doesn't show itself in them?

I hope to be a good parent, the kind the kids are like "my moms cooler than yours!" but if they do something wrong.. they will be punished... but hopefully i don't really have to worry about that.

51) Do you feel you have much impact on the lives of other people
you comein contact with? Can you think of someone, who in a short period
of time, significantly influenced your life?

Yeah i think that I influence others all the time. And yes i can think of someone... actually a couple of people

52) You are given a chance to return to any previous point in your
life and change a decision you made, but you will lose everything that
has happened to you since then. Is there a time you would return to? If
so,would you like to retain the memory of the life you are giving up even though
you could never recapture it?

Everything happens for a reason... at the time i might think i would want to go back but now looking back... everything that has happened has taught me something and those leasons are something that i really needed to learn. i just trust God and what is suppose to happen, will.

53) What would you like to be doing five years from now? What do you
think you will be doing five years from now?

In exactly five years i will be graduated from Southeastern University, starting my life and hopefully getting ready to be married (hopefully) and just begining a new chapter in life.

54) What is your most treasured memory?

This past year...

55) If you knew you could devote yourself to any single
occupation-music, writing acting, business, politics, medicine, etc- and be the among
the best and most successful in the world at it, what would you choose?
If you knew you had only a ten percent chance of being so successful,
would you still put in the effort?


Heck yes! All the way.

56) Would you like your spouse to be smarter and more attractive
than you?

Well hopefully a little seeing how hes a man and i believe that men are the ones incharge and the protectors so... i would hope so... and more attractive than me... sure :)

57) After a medical examination, your doctor calls you and gravely
tells you that you have a rare lymphatic cancer and only a few months to
live.
Five days later she calls you up and tells you that the lab tests
were mislabeled; you are perfectly healthy. Forced for a moment to look
death in the face, you have been allowed to turn and go on. During those
days you would certinly have gained some insights about yourself. Do you
think they would have been worth the pain?

Not really...no, lol. I don't want to have a heart attack that could of been prevented.

58) One hot summer afternoon, while walking through the parking lot
of a large shopping center, you notice a dog suffering badly from the
heat inside a locked car. What would you do?

Go inside the mall use the phone to call the animal police people...


59) An eccentric millionaire offers to donate a large sum of money
to charity if you will step completely naked from a car onto a busy
downtown street, walk four blocks, and climb back into the car. Knowing there
would be no danger of physical harm would you do it?

Dpends on the large sum of money....


60) Which would you prefere: a wild, turbulent life filled with joy,
sorrow, passion and adventure-intoxicating success and stunning
setbacks;or a happy, secure, predictable life surrounded by family
and friends without such wide swings of fourtune and mood?

hmmm... probably the first one... maybe

61) What meaning does sex hold for you? Is it just something you do
or is there something behind it?

There is deffiently something behind it. Sex is the bonding of two people who love each other so much that they become one. Sex in not something that should just be thrown around. Sex is very special and meaning full.

62) Do you plan on getting married? If so when and where and at what
age?

I really strongly passionately want to get married one day. Like i said... in my head how i have planned it... it will be after i graduate college and i would be about 22ish and up in the da church!

63) If you had the choice of one intimate soulmate and no other
close friends or of no such soulmate and many friends and aquaintences,
which would you choose?

what??? thats so hard and not fair... this is never going to happen so i wont choose MWHAHAHAHA!


64) If you wanted to look very sexy, how would you dress?

Oh i can think of a few ways... :)... but im not really trying to look uber sexy for anyone so... know one will know.

65) Would you be content in a marrige of the highest quality in all
aspects but one-it completely lacked in sex?

Yeah, sex isn't everything even though, it is something very special but i could be content

I said I wouldn't but I did.

I am really sick today and I've been trying so hard to learn this stuff for class and I am SO bad at it I swear. My mom was trying to help me or at least she said she was. She kept taking my book from me and starting to read it and then start watching TV. I kept telling her "If you're going to help me then help me" and she'd once again tell me that she didn't understand what stuff meant and could I explain it to her.

Babe, that's what you're here for. My dad doesn't get being bad at math.He's the math genius. he loves it and is really good at it so when i'm upset and on the verge of crying and yelling he just laughs like it's funny or something. Like i'm being dramatic. I'm upset. I can't help the level of my upsetness and if he thinks that's dramatic that's his deal because to me i'm acting exactly how I feel.

I want out of this damn class. Sometimes I just really wish I could get my GED and be done with it. I won't do that because it's not as good as a diploma and it's only one year. I can tough it out one more year but I wish my parents could understand more. I think it's just been so long since they've been in highschool dealing with these kinds of problems. And I mean neither of them had the problems I do. I've always gotten hit on. It's just happened. and now people my age are hitting on my 15 year old sister. why? Couldn't tell you. No matter how i act or dress no one's interested anymore. I'm not sure why. Sometimes it feels like this huge relief and other times it's a major hit to my ego.

I just want to be out of school and on my own somewhere really far away from here with no one to be disapointed in me, no one to judge me for things I used to do or be and where I can be who I want to be instead of who I actually am. This small southern town has lost it's hospitality and charm and this small town girl has lost herself. I have no idea who I am anymore. I used to know who I was and where I was going. I knew what I was good at and what I wasn't and I was ok with it and accpeted it. Now i'm some freak who has to be good at everything and is inexplicably disapointed and depressed when she realizes she can't be good at everything.

I feel like I hate my brother and that scares the shit out of me. He is nothing but an annoyance. I have no desire to be nice to him or to include him. I want him to stay the hell away from me at all times. I don't want his hugs or his peace offerings. Tonight he came up to me and tried to threaten me into giving him a fucking bag of cheetos. I put it down on the table before he even got around the table because I knew if he touched me I'd really hurt him. I don't want to hate my brother but i don't have any good thoughts about him .Ever. I just want him to leave me alone. Let him leave the house when he wants and lie about whatever he wants just please keep him away from me.

As i read over everything i've just written i feel like a complete emo freak and it makes me want to delete it and I very well might cause i don't get this deep and upsetting where people can see. Yes you have all seen me sad and complaining and who knows. Maybe you all knew everything i just wrote is what really goes on inside me all the time. I didn't. I think about how much I'd love to change about my life all the time but until i wrote this I didn't actually think about how dark it all sounds actually coming out into words instead of jumbled thoughts. I feel like my life is just flying by and I'm not ready to deal with whats coming.

Yesterday I was a freshman with nothing but time to improve my GPA my extracurriculars and my attitude problems against my teachers but here comes senior year. My dad's giving all these speeches about how i'm not doing all I could but i really honestly think I am. This is all I can do from going crazy. I did enough to get by this school year cause all I could think about was how could I get out of this town and into some town that i could do what I loved doing and still just have my own expectations to live up to. I just want to live my life without everyone else on the planet's imput.

I've got a secret that no one knows. It's not a bad secret it's just not something i really want to share with anyone. "If you're not going to tell me your secret then why are you telling me about it?" Well because i felt like it. It feels good to know i have one thing all my own that no one can critique me on or tell me i'm doing anything the wrong way or it being something i shouldn't do. I'm shaking now. i can't tell if it's because i'm angry,tired,fighting back tears or a mixture and frankly i don't really care.

I'm really sorry if you read all that and your opinon of me was changed but i just really wanted to get all of that out. Today has brought out alot of emotions in me that i don't normally ,even with all my complaing, share with anyone. In fact reading over this i've never shared any of that with anyone. So consider your self lucky i guess.

SO now i'm pretty much over that one guy.
I think i am anyway...
I haven't seen him in about a month or so and I'm not really sweatin it.
I have to see him next week though so that'll be the real test.
:)
I miss stephie and sam.

So my myspace people got my GJ link cause i'm an idiot and theres stuff I wanna post that I don't want them to see. So I guess I'll be posting here more frequently

So kinda having mixed feelings at the moment. The guy I like says he likes me. He barely talks to me since he said it.
Kinda made me mad. But whatever. SO I figure out that the guy I like that said he likes me is still totally in love with a girl he's been in love with who hasn't and doesn't feel the same.
I kinda feel like that at the moment.
I heard him when he said he liked me but it doesn't really feel like it.

I don't know what i'm gonna do.
There's this guy at school who really likes me who I kinda might maybe like but I keep saying no cause of the other guy.
Help!

Myspace is getting expensive!
I've been avoiding booksamillion for a few weeks to try and save my money so instead of going out I stay on myspace all day. I wander across a few authors myspaces on accident and read excerpts and such and I'm completely hooked. Now I have a growing list of books I need to buy.
I need to leave the house and go somewhere free.

So I'm on a Disney Movie kick and I'm completely obsessed with watching Thumbelina but I have lost my copy so I've ordered the DVD from Amazon.
My church is in the parade on thursday so come watch us walk in our disney dresses.
....I don't think Thumbelina was a disney movie but it kicked ass so we'll go with it.

I broke my thumb nail trying to open a door.
It hurt.
Now my nails are uneven and it'll take at least a week to grow back
SO that sucks.
BUT I saw John Tucker Must die and it was REALLY funny^_^

Boys SUCK! All boys except Jack Sparrow. The rest of you lot SUCK! "Oh! I really like you! Let's date!" two weeks go by and no phone call...hmmm....ok..a phone call "*slurred* Hey kitty! Listen do you wanna fuck me?" I say "Uh...no...not really" him "Ok well then lets not go out cause why waste my money if you're not gonna put out. You really are a prude."
That isn't the only reason boys suck but it's a MAJOR reason.
Brenton and Austin don't suck either. My only other exceptions.

I'm trying to put a postive spin on things.
If I fail my finals I'll take summer school for everything every summer till I die. The upside? I won't get skin cancer cause I won't be at the beach.
If I fail math I'll only have to redo one semester of it cause I passed last semester.

The postive side is depressing me. I'm going to study. Love you Guys.